Shoot myself in the foot

Last night I realized how much I do miss just taking off...not that I ever really did it all that much or for anything more than a day. But I would just take off and go for walks in the woods or down to the river with nothing but my dog, a few books, and/or a guitar. A few months ago a friend of mine called me out on not getting out into the woods enough. She said she didn't understand the draw, but even from a distance (we've never even lived in the same state) she knew how much I needed it. I've been a real slacker on that though.

It's really not unrealistic for me to plan on quiting everything and hitting the trail in a few years, like our original plan. If I do start grad school in the fall, Jaime and I should finish right around the same time. And I should be able to save up enough to pay for insurances and whatever supplies I'd need to be gone for like 6 months to a year (in case it takes awhile to find a job).

I hate my phone more and more every day. I hate that I can't just let go of it. I'd fast from it for Lent, but I feel like that'd be horribly inconvenient for others. And I hate it, but I don't know if I can quite let go of it yet.

I absolutely love spending quality time with people - like having them over for dinner, going for walks, etc... but there's just been so much lately. So much sharing with so many people and so much being discussed that I don't even know it helps anyone for me to know. Are we helping each other to draw closer to Christ? Or are we just being stupid and dramatic?

It hit me last night when a friend was telling me a little bit about her prior much more Bohemian lifestyle. I love people and security and being depended on too much to just take off, but sometimes, it really tempts me.

One of the things I'm doing for Lent, as per copying one of my roommates, is giving up needless spending. Stopping for coffee when I really don't need it/it isn't a bonding time w/ a kid... getting any kind of clothes I don't absolutely need, etc... the little things that add up. It's going to be interesting to see how my bank account changes over the next forty days.