Ash Wednesday

So today is the start of Lent. I remember my freshmen year of college at Lent. I was so stressed out by how life just seemed to continue on as normal during Lent. A time of preparation for the ultimate sacrifice of our Lord--and classes went on, meetings went on, parties during Holy Week went on... it really bothered me. I wanted to just withdraw from normal society and spend time in prayer with Christ. My sophomore year my band at the time was asked to be the opening band for a show at a bar-esque restaurant on Good Friday. I really considered it before I finally cast my vote for no. By my senior year, I really didn't care. I don't remember where I was for Easter--at school or at home or somewhere else entirely. I don't even remember what I did to try to draw closer to God that Lent. Last year I was still acclimating to life outside of school and just trying to keep my head above water in youth ministry. I feel a world apart from where I was last year.

The beginning of the Lenten season in my missal says, "The word 'Lent' is an ancient word for spring. The season of Lent is a time in our personal lives for new life to appear and for old frozen attitudes to disappear. It is a time to clear the ground, to clear away rubbish. A time for sowing, so that one day, the Day of the Lord, there will be a harvest."

I want this year to be different. I want it to be more than a "I'm just going to give up _____ for Lent." I want to make it be a letting go of some attitudes and rubbish in my life and taking on a renewed life that's refocused on God. I want to be aware again, and more than I've ever been before, of how much I personally need to stay focused on God and how much I have offended Him when I don't.

I know some of the things I need to do in my life, some of the attachments I need to be freed from in order to completely focus on Christ. I see some of the major mistakes I made when I got here. And I hate "changing" around people that already know me one way because it might mean explaining myself or pushing myself out of my comfort zone. But it has to happen. It's not even a real sacrifice, because I know that the joy of being closer to God and walking in a straighter path toward Him is worth SOOO much more than than the discomfort of a little change.