Abandonment to Christ and being being fully present

Well here's my first post in this blog. My general journaling style these days is reflecting on the daily readings and things like that. I just want to be able to access it anywhere and possibly refer a few people to read it when I want to discuss something that it'd be easier if they read first. So here goes.

There’s no question that Christ loves and honors his mother. But look at Mark 3:31-35. When people told him his mother and brothers were waiting outside, he did not get up and run to them. Instead, he responded that his mother and brothers were there in the circle and said that whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother. My other relationships cannot interfere with the immediate relationships I have with people I am with right now. That doesn’t mean not to love and honor the other people in my life – simply that we all must understand we can’t expect others to put us in an extremely high position when we really must love everyone as family.

Yesterday I met one of my girls for lunch and I turned my phone on silent. I probably had the best conversation I’ve ever had with her for two completely dedicated hours. Then I went for a walk with another one of my girls, and again, had an amazing Christ-centered conversation. My phone was off the entire time. Other than me being cold and having a runny nose, nothing distracted me from focusing on her. After that I talked with a third girl on the phone for about forty-five minutes. Again, a focused conversation.

I’ve realized lately that my obsessive availability is a big mistake. First, it allows people to talk to me instead of going straight to God. Not that there’s anything special about me. It’s just easier to talk to someone who audibly responds. But we need to help each other to go straight to God. Yes, go to each other for encouragement and guidance and to be humble and let others be Christ to us, but we have to take our problems and stresses to God’s altar. No middle man. Second, my availability to everyone interferes with me being fully present with whoever I’m with – be it personal time with God, a youth group kid, a friend, the work I’m doing… it’s just not a good thing.

I look at Father Geddes. He doesn’t plan a whole bunch of activities for us. If he’s with someone, he doesn’t answer his phone. He calls back when he can, but he doesn’t jip the person he’s with at the moment. What he gives to us is an outpouring of his relationship with God. He is almost always fully present, fully listening, fully praying and being open to the Holy Spirit. Of course he also has a lot of grace we don’t and is in-persona Christi in the Confessional, but the way he mentors us is to make that time available and make it like there is nothing more important than that time.

How much have I not been fully present, fully vulnerable, fully willing to sacrifice, fully desiring of God? Sister Therese Marie gave an amazing talk this past weekend on growth in Christ and I think it changed my life. God comes to us so completely. He wants nothing more than to be united with us, so much that he constantly makes himself available, is completely vulnerable and sacrifices everything for us. And what do we bring back? I know I certainly fall far short of returning the love and being in a complete relationship with him. So duh I struggle to know my vocation and be at complete peace, let alone pass that on to youth.

If God came to my door, knocked, and said, “leave everything and follow me,” I think I’d have no problem even leaving without clothes on my back. But that’s not the way he works. He’s not going to make that request until I’ve shown my complete abandon to Him with the little things. This morning I could have gotten up the first time my alarm went off and sacrificed the time I snoozed to spend more time in prayer. I could have taken a shorter shower. I could be more efficient at my work. I may not really watch TV anymore, but I certainly waste time on my computer with the stupidity of facebook and myspace and junk like that. There really is enough time in the day that I could spend eight hours sleeping, one at Mass, one in personal prayer, an hour doing things like showering and exercising some, six doing paperwork/Dodge/meetings, four in dedicated quality being fully present with people, and still have three random hours free.

Sister Therese said something else that really hit me. God doesn’t want workers, he wants lovers. Yes, the harvest is great and the workers are few – but it’s GOD’s harvest. When we work for him, it’s not our work, it’s His work. We’re merely the physical hands and feet of Christ. The relationship Christ desires with us is as lovers. To be one with Him. Otherwise he would have incorporated and written by-laws instead of dying on a Cross and starting a Church and leaving it to people. He desires us, whole and entire, with all of our faults and shortcomings in the open.