Every now and then God reminds me how ridiculously crazy and complicated my life is.... overly so... I need to simplify!
God's doing that with me a lot this lent. I think it might have been been Ash Wednesday Mass that triggered the "moment" when it started. I don't remember what the actual readings were about, whatever Mass it was, but I thought about the passages about slaves obeying masters and all that stuff (Col. 3:22, 1 Pet 2:18, others). The point of most of them, or so it appears through reading over them again, is mostly being an example for Christianity. No matter what.
But there is more. What hit me like a ton of bricks from those passages was stop worrying. Duh, we all know slavery is wrong. At least in America that's a pretty well ingrained concept. So why would Paul say slaves return to your masters? Well... we need to worry about getting right with God. If Paul says to endure even slavery to focus on the internal and being an example for Christ....woh, how much more TODAY in this land of really excessive freedom, do we need to do the same thing?
And that same thing? Simplify. Focus on God, not bettering our earthly situations. I know I am JUST as guilty, if not more than most, of this myself. It doesn't mean forget work and school and family and just sit in the chapel all day...(unless God is calling you to a life of contemplative prayer in a convent or monastery). It does mean focus on the tasks before you. Like school, and work. And be an example through those tasks. Be a CHRISTIAN example, offering up a PRAYER, through those tasks. Studying can very much be a sacrifice. So can work, especially work as it should be...not goofing off, but doing what you have to do get done. Live your vocation and avocation, permanent and temporary!
We've got this "economic crisis" going on. I'm not going to get too political here. A lot of people are struggling to find work, and a lot more are learning how to save for the first time. We, as Americans, spent years living on imaginary money with monstrous houses with big mortgages, cars bought with loans, credit card debt.... live the "American dream," forget if you can afford it. Saving certainly went out the window. And people got lazy at work. There are still a lot of people with jobs who view them as entitlements, not responsibilities. Maybe this economic bout will turn things around. Anyway, the point, as it pertains to this post, is that by and large, we want nice things we don't need and can't afford. Yes, we need shelter and transportation. No, we don't need mansions and BMWs. Get the point?
So I've noticed myself slowly buying more and more into that American "it's okay, I've got a credit card" mentality over the past few years. And you know what? It's done nothing but burden me. Pruning away now is hard though! It's really hard... but check this...the prayer at the end of one of the Psalms in the Office Readings today:
"Father, accept us as a sacrifice of praise, so that we may go through life unburdened by sin, walking in the way of salvation, and always giving thanks to you."
Can you imagine....a life unburdened by sin, walking in the way of salvation? That's a happy life. And duh, it must come at the "cost" of cutting out sin. "No, I don't want to let go of this poison that's killing me, I like it too much!" Really, we're pretty dumb. Freedom. Let's cash in our credit card chips...and live it!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Monday, May 12, 2008
How I long to be...
Some things that resonated with me from morning prayers and readings today...
"Happy are those who hear the word in a spirit of openness; they shall bear fruit through perseverance." - Luke 23:46
"...We pray daily in sheer felicity, in communion, in close contact with the Father, asking nothing whatever but the joy of knowing Him."
- Fulton Oursler (quoted in Conversation with Christ, p. 62)
"When I found your words, I devoured them; they became my joy and the happiness of my heart,
Because I bore your name, O Lord, God of hosts." - Jer 15:16
"Happy are those who hear the word in a spirit of openness; they shall bear fruit through perseverance." - Luke 23:46
"...We pray daily in sheer felicity, in communion, in close contact with the Father, asking nothing whatever but the joy of knowing Him."
- Fulton Oursler (quoted in Conversation with Christ, p. 62)
"When I found your words, I devoured them; they became my joy and the happiness of my heart,
Because I bore your name, O Lord, God of hosts." - Jer 15:16
Monday, April 28, 2008
An amazing Priest...gone home to heaven...
After three months in the hospital battling double-pneumonia, 55 years of serving in the Priesthood, and 89 years of life... Father Edward Richardson passed away this past Saturday, April 26. I still can't quite believe it. I wasn't really close with my grandparents, but this is how I imagine people feel when really amazing and well-known grandparents pass away.
Father was a man who lived his vocation to the fullest. He was a great Priest. But that's not what I mean when I say he lived his vocation. Before all else, he was a great lover of God. That love is what overflowed into all of us who had the blessing to know Father.
This is what I've realized. It seemed like Father had everything together. He was everywhere and everyone knew him, but he was never stressed out or seemed like he was in a rush. He always had time to talk to anyone. Yet he was almost always on time or usually even early. It seemed like he was constantly giving of himself. Yet somehow he was never exhausted. Even when his body started to give up, he would keep going. When I saw him in the hospital two months ago, he insisted on giving me a blessing before I left and wanted to know all about how my family and I were doing. How could he give and give and not get stressed out or burn out? The longer he lived and the more the condition of his body deteriorated the more joyful he became. He didn't even start to have any kind of health problems until the last few years.
I think the key is that Father already did give himself away completely to the Lord. He was a completely dedicated lover of Christ. And does Christ ever turn away from us or get tired of us? No. Never. We do. But we just wear out if we don't spend time being personally filled up by the Lord. Anyway, Father did that. He stayed close to Christ at all costs. And I think that's why he could give of himself so simply and completely. He wasn't giving anything at all - he'd already given himself to the Lord. After that, it was merely a question of what God wanted him to do at the moment.
"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:29-30
That's how Father did so much. He wasn't doing it - it was Christ. I think Father traded his yoke for the yoke of Christ a long, long time ago. We, the people who were blessed to know him, got to see Christ through him. Now I'm sure that we're even more blessed because he's in heaven, resting with the Lord, but I'm sure still asking God to shower down blessings on us.
What did we do to be so blessed to have Father at our little chapel for so long? I know he was there for at least 15-20 years...maybe more. They're expecting 3,000 to 5,000 people at the wake. That's only a fraction of the people that Father touched. And we, the little parish of Holy Family, were his pride and joy.
My brother got the news that Father had passed away via an e-mail on his phone. He was in the auto parts store at 8:30 p.m. on a Saturday night trying to get his car fixed so he could drive youth group kids on a field trip the next day. My sister was volunteering at a Christian concert. I was at a Young Fire Mass. It's fitting that that's what we were doing on the day he passed into eternal life. It's not luck that we're the way we are. It's the blessing of having grown up with the prayer and guidance of amazing people like Father. He had the most simple, straightforward faith. He just loved God and loved us. That was it. And Christ worked through him to touch so many people. Calmly, gently, and lovingly. Not hectically. Not on a stage, not with anything but humility. Just through Father being the loving man of God that he is.
I read through some passages in the New Testament on Saturday night. Everything Christ taught...Father embodied. He LIVED the gospel. He didn't just preach it on Sunday. It was humbling, but also encouraging. The happiest, most joyful man I know got to be that way by giving his life to the Lord and living the gospel. So why do we drag our feet to do it too?
Intellectually, I know that it's a beautiful thing that Father has finally gone home to rest. It's probably the first real vacation he's ever had. I have every confidence in the world that he is with the Lord. But emotionally...I don't quite have that peace yet. I can't imagine him not being here with us. I know it's selfish, and even unfounded because if I want to be selfish, I know that Father's probably praying for us that much more from heaven. It doesn't change the fact that I miss him. I know the best way to pay him tribute is to be a person of faith, hope, love, and charity. But right now, I don't know how to do much besides cry. I don't really want to talk about it. Not yet. I just feel utterly and completely exhausted. I feel crippled. Please pray for those of us here. Pray for the strength to be men and women of God who will make Father proud as he looks down to us from Heaven.
Thank you Lord for Father Richardson.
Father was a man who lived his vocation to the fullest. He was a great Priest. But that's not what I mean when I say he lived his vocation. Before all else, he was a great lover of God. That love is what overflowed into all of us who had the blessing to know Father.
This is what I've realized. It seemed like Father had everything together. He was everywhere and everyone knew him, but he was never stressed out or seemed like he was in a rush. He always had time to talk to anyone. Yet he was almost always on time or usually even early. It seemed like he was constantly giving of himself. Yet somehow he was never exhausted. Even when his body started to give up, he would keep going. When I saw him in the hospital two months ago, he insisted on giving me a blessing before I left and wanted to know all about how my family and I were doing. How could he give and give and not get stressed out or burn out? The longer he lived and the more the condition of his body deteriorated the more joyful he became. He didn't even start to have any kind of health problems until the last few years.
I think the key is that Father already did give himself away completely to the Lord. He was a completely dedicated lover of Christ. And does Christ ever turn away from us or get tired of us? No. Never. We do. But we just wear out if we don't spend time being personally filled up by the Lord. Anyway, Father did that. He stayed close to Christ at all costs. And I think that's why he could give of himself so simply and completely. He wasn't giving anything at all - he'd already given himself to the Lord. After that, it was merely a question of what God wanted him to do at the moment.
"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:29-30
That's how Father did so much. He wasn't doing it - it was Christ. I think Father traded his yoke for the yoke of Christ a long, long time ago. We, the people who were blessed to know him, got to see Christ through him. Now I'm sure that we're even more blessed because he's in heaven, resting with the Lord, but I'm sure still asking God to shower down blessings on us.
What did we do to be so blessed to have Father at our little chapel for so long? I know he was there for at least 15-20 years...maybe more. They're expecting 3,000 to 5,000 people at the wake. That's only a fraction of the people that Father touched. And we, the little parish of Holy Family, were his pride and joy.
My brother got the news that Father had passed away via an e-mail on his phone. He was in the auto parts store at 8:30 p.m. on a Saturday night trying to get his car fixed so he could drive youth group kids on a field trip the next day. My sister was volunteering at a Christian concert. I was at a Young Fire Mass. It's fitting that that's what we were doing on the day he passed into eternal life. It's not luck that we're the way we are. It's the blessing of having grown up with the prayer and guidance of amazing people like Father. He had the most simple, straightforward faith. He just loved God and loved us. That was it. And Christ worked through him to touch so many people. Calmly, gently, and lovingly. Not hectically. Not on a stage, not with anything but humility. Just through Father being the loving man of God that he is.
I read through some passages in the New Testament on Saturday night. Everything Christ taught...Father embodied. He LIVED the gospel. He didn't just preach it on Sunday. It was humbling, but also encouraging. The happiest, most joyful man I know got to be that way by giving his life to the Lord and living the gospel. So why do we drag our feet to do it too?
Intellectually, I know that it's a beautiful thing that Father has finally gone home to rest. It's probably the first real vacation he's ever had. I have every confidence in the world that he is with the Lord. But emotionally...I don't quite have that peace yet. I can't imagine him not being here with us. I know it's selfish, and even unfounded because if I want to be selfish, I know that Father's probably praying for us that much more from heaven. It doesn't change the fact that I miss him. I know the best way to pay him tribute is to be a person of faith, hope, love, and charity. But right now, I don't know how to do much besides cry. I don't really want to talk about it. Not yet. I just feel utterly and completely exhausted. I feel crippled. Please pray for those of us here. Pray for the strength to be men and women of God who will make Father proud as he looks down to us from Heaven.
Thank you Lord for Father Richardson.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
I'm dreaming of a white Regent....
My sleep schedule has been a bit off the past week. The last day or two I've really been struggling to get out of bed. This morning, in between my alarms going off, I had some crazy vivid dreams. In the first, I was traveling on a futuristic submarine-like vessel. I'm not sure if we were in the water or in space. The team was on an exploration mission. One person at a time would use a min-sub teathered to the main sub to explore beyond the sub. I didn't stay in REM sleep long enough to have a turn in the mini-sub, and I'm not really sure what we were looking for, but I FELT like I was there. When the sub dove, I felt weightless and floating...like that split second on a roller coaster, but for longer and without any restraints but the sub ceiling.
The next dream I had was about Regent. The whole place was covered in about half a foot of snow. I was driving over to go to the Comm building, but I didn't recognize anything. There was all of this new construction tacked on the side of buildings...like they were trying to make the campus look like a medival castle. I was so confused. I'd been on campus a week or two before, yet nothing looked the same. I don't know what was up with that dream, but I sledded down a parking lot on some random big bag and almost crashed into a few people. Again, it was just incredibly vivid. I felt like I was there and I felt frusterated that I didn't know where I was going or even why I was on campus.
It's been a long time since I've had dreams real enough that I couldn't quite distinquish them from reality at first. The rest of the time I was lying in bed I was very prayerful. I've really been hearing God a lot more than usual lately... I'm finally letting go of the past and my own plans and just listening to God. I'm sure I'll go through denial phases, but I'm trying....
The next dream I had was about Regent. The whole place was covered in about half a foot of snow. I was driving over to go to the Comm building, but I didn't recognize anything. There was all of this new construction tacked on the side of buildings...like they were trying to make the campus look like a medival castle. I was so confused. I'd been on campus a week or two before, yet nothing looked the same. I don't know what was up with that dream, but I sledded down a parking lot on some random big bag and almost crashed into a few people. Again, it was just incredibly vivid. I felt like I was there and I felt frusterated that I didn't know where I was going or even why I was on campus.
It's been a long time since I've had dreams real enough that I couldn't quite distinquish them from reality at first. The rest of the time I was lying in bed I was very prayerful. I've really been hearing God a lot more than usual lately... I'm finally letting go of the past and my own plans and just listening to God. I'm sure I'll go through denial phases, but I'm trying....
Monday, March 31, 2008
I want to play more
And just leap for joy for the Lord. I was in adoration tonight at Spirit and Truth... Joshua was leading worship, I prayed evening prayer, and was just surrounded by this awesome group of people worshiping God. And I wanted to jump up and down and dance like David. That urge doesn't hit me often anymore.
I want to be wild and crazy again... but was I ever really that crazy?
I want to be wild and crazy again... but was I ever really that crazy?
Stop lying to one another...
...since you have taken off the old self with its practices. (Col 3:9)
I've been praying morning and evening prayer from liturgy of the hours for the past week now. On Easter Monday it just hit me that it was time to start. Yesterday morning the reading was from Colossians and about putting aside all aspects of a past life and putting to death all earthly parts of your being in order to completely live in Christ as one of God's chosen ones. The line that really hit me was "stop lying to one another." Paul's writing to a community of new Christians, and says stop lying to one another. That hit me today. There was no dancing around the bush. He just called them out on lying to each other.
I don't directly really lie...but I don't really disclose much about myself or how I feel. I just went down to Charlotte for Elise's bridal shower. She's been my best friend since we were ten. Yet it was just this weekend I really told her about any of the relationships I've been in in either high school or college. On the drive home I made some calls I should have made years ago. Well, one I should have made years ago, some that are kind of recent things. I have been praying about it for quite awhile and discussed it with my spiritual director first. But what good is reading the Bible if it doesn't become part of us and convict us to change? That morning prayer pushed me over the edge to finally change.
Paul continues. "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another...and over all put on love...let the peace of Christ control your hearts...let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly..." AH! It's so great. I copied the whole passage below. That is everything I've been yearning for...the virtues Paul describes. As Matthew Kelly says in the "Seven Pilliars of Catholic Spirituality," Confession is the number one pilliar because you can't run toward something unless your running away from something else. You can't be free to pursue the Lord with your whole heart unless you empty your heart of attachments to vices and wordly desires. Paul starts off this passage with a renunciation of vice and then says REPLACE those things with the peace of the Lord.
I have fallen down a lot lately. I really haven't been practicing much of anything from Paul's list of virtues. I've been wanting to, trying to, but unable to... and I think it's because I didn't realize how much my holding back emotionally has been nothing but an expression of pride. I've been going through the motions instead of just living in the peace of Christ and opperating out of love and charity. Where can and virtues fit in if I'm allowing pride to control my actions? It's time to cut it out.
There's something else that really hit me. Whenever a passage convicts me, I check out all the references from it.. and that led me to Hebrews 12. "...Let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us and persevere in running the race that lies before us while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, the leader and perfecter of faith...Consider how he endured such opposition from sinners, in order that yoiu may not grow weary and lose heart. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood. You have also forgotten the exhortation addressed to you as sons: 'My son, do not disdain the discipline of the Lord or lose heart when reproved by Him; for whom the Lord loves, he disciplines; he scourges every son he acknowledges.' Endure your trials as 'discipline;' God treats you as sons. For what 'son' is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are without discipline, in which all have shared, you are not sons but bastards."
Yeah.
Colossians 3:5-17
5(A)Therefore consider (B)the members of your earthly body as dead to (C)immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry.
6For it is because of these things that (D)the wrath of God will come [a]upon the sons of disobedience,
7and (E)in them you also once walked, when you were living in them.
8But now you also, (F)put them all aside: (G)anger, wrath, malice, slander, and (H)abusive speech from your mouth.
9(I)Do not lie to one another, since you (J)laid aside the old self with its evil practices,
10and have (K)put on the new self who is being (L)renewed to a true knowledge (M)according to the image of the One who (N)created him--
11a renewal in which (O)there is no distinction between Greek and Jew, (P)circumcised and uncircumcised, [b](Q)barbarian, Scythian, (R)slave and freeman, but (S)Christ is all, and in all.
12So, as those who have been (T)chosen of God, holy and beloved, (U)put on a (V)heart of compassion, kindness, (W)humility, gentleness and (X)patience;
13(Y)bearing with one another, and (Z)forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; (AA)just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.
14Beyond all these things put on love, which is (AB)the perfect bond of (AC)unity.
15Let (AD)the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in (AE)one body; and be thankful.
16Let (AF)the word of [c]Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom (AG)teaching and admonishing one another (AH)with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, (AI)singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
17(AJ)Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, (AK)giving thanks through Him to God the Father.
I've been praying morning and evening prayer from liturgy of the hours for the past week now. On Easter Monday it just hit me that it was time to start. Yesterday morning the reading was from Colossians and about putting aside all aspects of a past life and putting to death all earthly parts of your being in order to completely live in Christ as one of God's chosen ones. The line that really hit me was "stop lying to one another." Paul's writing to a community of new Christians, and says stop lying to one another. That hit me today. There was no dancing around the bush. He just called them out on lying to each other.
I don't directly really lie...but I don't really disclose much about myself or how I feel. I just went down to Charlotte for Elise's bridal shower. She's been my best friend since we were ten. Yet it was just this weekend I really told her about any of the relationships I've been in in either high school or college. On the drive home I made some calls I should have made years ago. Well, one I should have made years ago, some that are kind of recent things. I have been praying about it for quite awhile and discussed it with my spiritual director first. But what good is reading the Bible if it doesn't become part of us and convict us to change? That morning prayer pushed me over the edge to finally change.
Paul continues. "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another...and over all put on love...let the peace of Christ control your hearts...let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly..." AH! It's so great. I copied the whole passage below. That is everything I've been yearning for...the virtues Paul describes. As Matthew Kelly says in the "Seven Pilliars of Catholic Spirituality," Confession is the number one pilliar because you can't run toward something unless your running away from something else. You can't be free to pursue the Lord with your whole heart unless you empty your heart of attachments to vices and wordly desires. Paul starts off this passage with a renunciation of vice and then says REPLACE those things with the peace of the Lord.
I have fallen down a lot lately. I really haven't been practicing much of anything from Paul's list of virtues. I've been wanting to, trying to, but unable to... and I think it's because I didn't realize how much my holding back emotionally has been nothing but an expression of pride. I've been going through the motions instead of just living in the peace of Christ and opperating out of love and charity. Where can and virtues fit in if I'm allowing pride to control my actions? It's time to cut it out.
There's something else that really hit me. Whenever a passage convicts me, I check out all the references from it.. and that led me to Hebrews 12. "...Let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us and persevere in running the race that lies before us while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, the leader and perfecter of faith...Consider how he endured such opposition from sinners, in order that yoiu may not grow weary and lose heart. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood. You have also forgotten the exhortation addressed to you as sons: 'My son, do not disdain the discipline of the Lord or lose heart when reproved by Him; for whom the Lord loves, he disciplines; he scourges every son he acknowledges.' Endure your trials as 'discipline;' God treats you as sons. For what 'son' is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are without discipline, in which all have shared, you are not sons but bastards."
Yeah.
Colossians 3:5-17
5(A)Therefore consider (B)the members of your earthly body as dead to (C)immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry.
6For it is because of these things that (D)the wrath of God will come [a]upon the sons of disobedience,
7and (E)in them you also once walked, when you were living in them.
8But now you also, (F)put them all aside: (G)anger, wrath, malice, slander, and (H)abusive speech from your mouth.
9(I)Do not lie to one another, since you (J)laid aside the old self with its evil practices,
10and have (K)put on the new self who is being (L)renewed to a true knowledge (M)according to the image of the One who (N)created him--
11a renewal in which (O)there is no distinction between Greek and Jew, (P)circumcised and uncircumcised, [b](Q)barbarian, Scythian, (R)slave and freeman, but (S)Christ is all, and in all.
12So, as those who have been (T)chosen of God, holy and beloved, (U)put on a (V)heart of compassion, kindness, (W)humility, gentleness and (X)patience;
13(Y)bearing with one another, and (Z)forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; (AA)just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.
14Beyond all these things put on love, which is (AB)the perfect bond of (AC)unity.
15Let (AD)the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in (AE)one body; and be thankful.
16Let (AF)the word of [c]Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom (AG)teaching and admonishing one another (AH)with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, (AI)singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
17(AJ)Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, (AK)giving thanks through Him to God the Father.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Sometimes you just can't win...
Sometimes everyone wants a different little piece of you. They want you avaliable all the time, but they want you to take a break and relax and be normal. They want you to stop answering your phone obsessively...unless it's for them. They want you to be around, but then get vexed by your presence. They want you to be yourself, but really they want yourself to be a discipled version of themselves...or do they? They want you to respect the fact that they quite openly loathe phone conversations, but get irrated when you don't call. Or when you do.
I've been getting on a lot of peoples nerves lately. I've stopped listening to all the junk people fill the air with and I've stopped being phased by drama. And it irritates people. I love everyone, but I try to only confide in the solid Christians in my life. I turn my phone on silent when I'm spending quality time with someone, especially when that someone is Jesus.
The simple fact is, you can't win. You can never please everyone...you really can't even please yourself. When it comes down to the line, there's only one person to whom you report. All the law of the prohets can be condensed in two decidedly simple concepts - love the Lord, your God, above all else, and love your neighbor as yourself. We love, first and foremost, because of God. If we just stay focused on loving Christ, and loving others because of Christ, then we'll be straight and stay on the narrow road. What's so complicated??
I've been getting on a lot of peoples nerves lately. I've stopped listening to all the junk people fill the air with and I've stopped being phased by drama. And it irritates people. I love everyone, but I try to only confide in the solid Christians in my life. I turn my phone on silent when I'm spending quality time with someone, especially when that someone is Jesus.
The simple fact is, you can't win. You can never please everyone...you really can't even please yourself. When it comes down to the line, there's only one person to whom you report. All the law of the prohets can be condensed in two decidedly simple concepts - love the Lord, your God, above all else, and love your neighbor as yourself. We love, first and foremost, because of God. If we just stay focused on loving Christ, and loving others because of Christ, then we'll be straight and stay on the narrow road. What's so complicated??
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